Suicide And Hope
Few words carry more heartbreak than the word suicide.
Behind every life lost is a story most of us never fully see—a battle fought in silence, a mind overwhelmed by pain, and families left searching for answers that may never come.
These poems were written from personal experience after losing my father to suicide during his struggle with dementia. They are not written to judge or condemn. They are written to help us better understand the unimaginable pain that mental illness can bring, while reminding those who are still fighting that hope is never beyond reach.
If these poems help even one person reach out, or help one family feel a little less alone, then they have fulfilled their purpose.
IT'S 9 O'CLOCK
My father took his own life after a long struggle with aging, loss, and dementia. Like many families affected by suicide, we were left with grief, unanswered questions, and a lifetime of memories. This poem was written in the days that followed, when I still found myself reaching for the phone at the same time every morning.
It's 9 o'clock in the morning
Time to give you a call
Hopefully you've had your breakfast
And you're not too busy to talk
You're probably sitting in your chair
With at least one cat on your lap
I can see you in your T-shirt and shorts
Wearing that Korean Veteran's cap
But there's no answer this morning
And there won't be one tomorrow
You took away our conversations
And filled our hearts with sorrow
Old age was not your friend
It sat on your shoulders like a beast
You cursed it and you loathed it
To say the very least
I'm not angry
But my questions will never end
Where were we in your thoughts
When you were thinking through the end?
There's such a large void in our lives
That only you can fill
We'll try to fill it with good memories
When we are sitting quiet and still
Peace is what I pray for you
And for us, healing and love
We know you'll be singing
In that Heavenly Choir above
❤️ If your own mornings feel this lonely, please don't face them alone
WHEN YOU CALL AT NINE
(The Father's Reply)
This is not an explanation.
This is imagined mercy.
When you call at nine tomorrow
Don't be troubled when I don't reply
Just know I'll hear your voice, my son
From somewhere beyond the sky
You'll still picture that old recliner
With a cat stretched out on my knee
An old T-shirt, faded shorts
And my Korean Veteran's cap on me
Somehow those ordinary mornings
Have become your greatest treasure now
Funny how we never see their worth
Until life won't let us have them somehow
Old age slowly changed the man
You'd always known me to be
Little by little it stole away
The very best parts of me
There were days I couldn't find myself
Though I tried with all my might
I wandered through a fog so thick
I couldn't tell the day from night
You ask if you were in my thoughts
When I chose to let life end
Oh Son...you never left my heart
Not once...not even then
Love was never what I lost
Though my weary mind believed
The darkness simply whispered louder
Than the truth I could not see
If I could give one gift to you
It wouldn't be answers why
I'd simply lift that heavy weight
You've carried all this time
Don't spend your years on "if only..."
Or replay that final day
Some roads become so hidden
That we simply lose our way
Instead remember fishing stories
The laughter that we knew
The mornings when the phone would ring
And I'd be talking back to you
Remember every birthday
Every Christmas, every mile
Remember all the years we shared
Before my final trial
Don't let my final chapter
Become the story of my life
It was only one sad moment
In a book filled with love and light
So when the morning coffee's ready
And the clock strikes nine once more
Pull up another chair for me
Like you've done so many times before
Tell me how the family's doing
Tell me all that's happened there
I'll still smile at every story
Though you cannot see me care
And if a tear should find you
Let it stay just for a while
Then think about that old Veteran's cap...
And let it leave you with a smile.
Because every time you call at nine...
I'll still be listening.
❤️ If you wish someone could understand your pain, someone is ready to listen today.
STAY UNTIL TEN
(The Living Anthem)
If I'd only known that morning
Nine o'clock would be our last
I'd have found another reason
Just to make the moments last
I'd have talked a little longer
About things we'd done before
I'd have never watched the clock
Or hurried toward the door
I'd have asked another question
Even if I'd heard it twice
I'd have listened to your stories
Like I had all the time in life
I'd have smiled a little bigger
When you reached to shake my hand
Because I never dreamed that morning
Would be where forever stands
If I'd known the hurt you carried
Hidden somewhere deep inside
I'd have pulled another chair up
And just sat there by your side
We didn't need to fix the darkness
Or somehow make it end
Maybe all you really needed...
Was someone to stay until ten.
So if you're sitting in that silence
Feeling like you've reached the end
Stay for one more cup of coffee
Stay until it's ten
Stay because tomorrow's waiting
Though you cannot see it yet
Stay for all the little moments
Life still hasn't given yet
Stay for children.
Stay for laughter.
Stay for birthdays still to come.
Stay because somewhere someone's praying
You will see another sun.
Stay for fishing trips and Christmas
For an old familiar song
For quiet mornings on the porch
Where hearts still can belong
Stay because this world would miss you
More than words could ever say
The people who love you need tomorrow
More than they need yesterday
And if all that you can manage
Is one more breath...
One more prayer...
One more minute...
Then let that be enough.
We'll sit beside you.
We'll carry the silence.
We'll wait with you
Until the darkness begins to loosen.
Until the morning finds your window.
Until hope quietly returns.
Stay until ten.
And when ten finally comes...
Stay a little longer.
❤️ If today feels impossible, please stay—and let someone help you through it.
SILENCE
The silence is so loud
Sometimes it hurts my ears
I know you're far away
Yet somehow you're still so near
So many questions linger
The answers hard to find
Yet somehow your big old voice
Still echoes through my mind
A chair...
A hedge...
A note...
Simple things to someone else
But now they tell your story
More than words ever could.
Your phone was ringing that morning
While you stood there all alone
I wish somehow you'd answered
Before you left our home
We still had dreams to share with you
Places left to go
Things we thought we'd say someday
That now we'll never know
This silence will always linger
Though time may soften the pain
We'll gather all the precious moments
And hold them once again
We'll remember laughter over heartache
The good before the bad
Because one single painful morning
Should never erase the Dad we had.
❤️ Healing doesn't happen in silence. Reaching out is a sign of courage.
🌅 Before You Leave...
These poems were written after my father died by suicide. I cannot change what happened to my family. But if sharing our story helps even one person choose to stay—or helps one family better understand someone they love—then my father's life continues touching others in a beautiful way.
If today is especially difficult for you, please tell someone. Call someone. Text someone. Sit with a friend. Reach out.
You do not have to carry this alone.
There is hope.
There is help.
Please stay.
Your story isn't over yet